Vincent Matthew Ignacious Bove XVII was born on February 12, 1977, in the quaint little hamlet of Schenectady, NY. His father, an earwax refurbisher, and his mother, an apprentice roadside manicurist, were overjoyed to welcome him into their family of 18 adopted children and assorted wombats. It was already a bit crowded in their one-and-a-half-story suburban tupperware container, but at least they were kept fresh and free of mold. Soon young Vincent grew tall and strong and decided he wanted to become a professional salad-tong designer. Alas, his dreams were dashed when, in a horrific line-dancing accident, the last four letters of his first name were completely sliced off. The surgeons were unable to save the severed letters, and were forced to instead transplant a spare "n" and "y" that had been lying around in the hospital break room. And thus "Vinny" was born. Since that time Mr. Bove has gone on to invent the world's dumbest use for juggling torches (earplugs) and win Honorable Mention in the International Sing-Like-a-Strangled-Fish Competition, for his stirring rendition of Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy." Vinny can currently be seen in the off-Broadway production of "Hang On, My Mother's in the Bathroom," which will be running today through this afternoon. He is playing the part of Hilda, the lovelorn wildebeest.

 

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